Making it a happier Father’s Day for those who grieve

While many meet Mother's Day with joy and appreciation, Father's Day often comes differently. There may be situations where the father is not physically or emotionally present in the home. Father's Day has always been a little different for me because my father passed away when he and I were young. Due to the unique circumstances of his upbringing, I do not have a connection to his ancestors or close friends from his childhood. Because he died young, few adult friends can share memories with me.

For many years, I struggled in my grief process. Like many of my generation, I have few photos of my dad or me with him, nor do I have many material possessions that belonged to him. There are not many tangible mementos to prompt my recollections. As you can imagine, and maybe experience yourself, I yearn to have memories that keep him alive in my heart and mind. I am grateful for those who did know him and who share memories - any memories - with me so that I can envision who he was.

There are many studies regarding the antidote that gratitude can be for depression and anxiety. Remembering good things and expressing thankfulness for a person or a season in life can be a salve to soothe aching hearts. In the Bible, Paul often begins his letters with gratitude for the people he is writing to. He mentions remembering and giving thanks for them even when he is about to confront a problem. Gratitude helps. Psalm 112:6 talks of how the righteous will be remembered forever. Again, when we reflect on their memories, gratitude helps.

This Father's Day, I am asking you to do something for yourself or someone else who may not have their father on this side of eternity and will approach this day with sadness. First, reminisce with gratitude that you had your father for as long as you did - the gift God gave you in giving Dad to you. Reflect on the good moments and even how you overcame the tough ones. Let the gratitude slowly melt away that sadness.

Secondly, ask others for their memories of your loved one. It can be cathartic, and you can often learn things that will encourage your heart about your loved one that you never knew. Through small stories, I have learned how sweet and kind my father was and how he was easy to be around.

Finally, if you know someone who has lost a father either recently or decades ago, would you consider sharing a favorite memory about that person with the loved one? It does not matter how small or trivial it is to you. That memory can add to the tapestry of who the person was to those around them. If the person helped direct you or guided you in a way others may not know, share that. Express your gratitude for the role - however small or profound - that they had in your life. Those impactful memories will impact their loved ones today.

These types of memorial days can be overwhelming to many people. We can seize the moment to allow thankfulness to do its work in us or help others along the way to grow through the lifelong process of grief. We can help make it a Happier Father's Day.

Originally published in the Salisbury Post.